Friday, March 11, 2011


Once upon a time, I went to the Ayacucho circus. After this truly momentous occasion, I can honestly say that I don't think I will ever, ever go back to an American circus.

Here are the order of the acts. Please keep in mind that there were no safety nets or regulations. And yes, this is 100% real (ok, maybe 97% real, seeing as my memory for 9 months ago is a tad spotty): 

1. Two scantily clad women salsa danced. I enjoyed it; I'm not sure how the small children in the front row felt.
2. A guy in a Mexican wrestling outfit did acrobatics to Soviet marching music. There is really....nothing I can add to that.
3. There was a long montage with a regular clown beating a dwarf clown. A really, really long montage. 
4. A very depressed looking monkey was forced to carry around baskets of fruit to music from the movie Grease. Yea, that was the entire act. The monkey tottered around in a circle and pleaded "kill me for my fur because that would be more dignified than this" with its eyes. But hey, it did have a pretty dress on!
5. The above monkey then refused to peddle a bike around in circles, so a human ended up just pushing the monkey while it sulked. Seriously, this monkey gave the saddest dog in the world a run for its money in the emo department. 
6. A small dog was forced to climb a ladder 20-ish feet into the air;  it did so while looking completed dejected. It then flung itself off a platform and into what appeared to be a pillow case. I can only imagine that this dog and the monkey will one day band together and make a break for it. They can ride the little bike off into the sunset and never be forced to wear dresses again.  
7. A 4 year old little girl had a noose-thing put around her head and neck. She was then hoisted about 20-feet into the air and did acrobatic tricks. This was the part where I really wish we had had safety nets. But I guess it is one way to make sure your kid is worth feeding.  
8. A scantily clad dwarf woman did sexy salsa. Sexy salsa seemed to be a theme. 
9. Then there was a dance montage where Dracula killed Michael Jackson and Daddy Yankee but was later turned into a fairy by the Numa Numa dance guy. YES REALLY. THIS HAPPENED.    
10. An odd bit where a clown did a "kids say the darndest things" skit with a bunch of 8 year olds. Except in his version, he made the little boys pole dance, and then had a little boy and a little girl kiss. After that skit, I am pretty sure I have to register as a sex offender. :/
11. Finally, a llama had its 15th birthday party and danced around. In a dress

Photo proof. FYI: This circus was called the "Siberian Magic Circus." I mean, a magic circus is one thing, but a SIBERIAN magic circus takes you to an entirely new level of awesome. 

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