Here are the order of the acts. Please keep in mind that there were no safety nets or regulations. And yes, this is 100% real (ok, maybe 97% real, seeing as my memory for 9 months ago is a tad spotty):
1. Two scantily clad women salsa danced. I enjoyed it; I'm not sure how the small children in the front row felt.
2. A guy in a Mexican wrestling outfit did acrobatics to Soviet marching music. There is really....nothing I can add to that.
3. There was a long montage with a regular clown beating a dwarf clown. A really, really long montage.
4. A very depressed looking monkey was forced to carry around baskets of fruit to music from the movie Grease. Yea, that was the entire act. The monkey tottered around in a circle and pleaded "kill me for my fur because that would be more dignified than this" with its eyes. But hey, it did have a pretty dress on!
5. The above monkey then refused to peddle a bike around in circles, so a human ended up just pushing the monkey while it sulked. Seriously, this monkey gave the saddest dog in the world a run for its money in the emo department.
6. A small dog was forced to climb a ladder 20-ish feet into the air; it did so while looking completed dejected. It then flung itself off a platform and into what appeared to be a pillow case. I can only imagine that this dog and the monkey will one day band together and make a break for it. They can ride the little bike off into the sunset and never be forced to wear dresses again.
7. A 4 year old little girl had a noose-thing put around her head and neck. She was then hoisted about 20-feet into the air and did acrobatic tricks. This was the part where I really wish we had had safety nets. But I guess it is one way to make sure your kid is worth feeding.
8. A scantily clad dwarf woman did sexy salsa. Sexy salsa seemed to be a theme.
9. Then there was a dance montage where Dracula killed Michael Jackson and Daddy Yankee but was later turned into a fairy by the Numa Numa dance guy. YES REALLY. THIS HAPPENED.
10. An odd bit where a clown did a "kids say the darndest things" skit with a bunch of 8 year olds. Except in his version, he made the little boys pole dance, and then had a little boy and a little girl kiss. After that skit, I am pretty sure I have to register as a sex offender. :/
11. Finally, a llama had its 15th birthday party and danced around. In a dress.
Photo proof. FYI: This circus was called the "Siberian Magic Circus." I mean, a magic circus is one thing, but a SIBERIAN magic circus takes you to an entirely new level of awesome.